February 2011
Today, I finally sneezed with my eyes open. Instead of feeling awesome, my eyes were tearing and twitching for the next 10 minutes. Success hurts. MLIA.
January 2011
Today in English, we were given homework. What was it, you ask? We had to write a persuasive essay on one of three topics: School holidays are too long and should be shortened, My (all girls) school should become co-ed or… Twilight should be banned. Guess which one I picked? Needless to say, I was actually excited about homework for once. MLIA
Today, I Urban Dictionary-ed Snooki. It said, “n: extra large oompa-loompa that’s easier to get on than facebook.” MLIA
Today my aunt gave me my mom’s old West Chester University sweatshirt that she found in a closet since that’s the school I want to go to. I got sent to the principal’s office because it had a huge beer stain on the sleeve. Thanks mom. MLIA
Every once in a while, when nobody is paying attention in class, my teacher will do something like scream or snap his fingers, and usually it gets most of us to listen. Yesterday he got irritated, took his keys out of his pocket, and just started jingling them and said “oooh, shiiinyyy”. The moment he started jingling them, the whole entire class stopped what they were doing and just...
Today, I asked my Biology teacher what you get when you combine Barium, Cobalt, and Nitrogen. His response? Without even a second guess, he said, “Bacon,” and did the ionic compound equation on the board and proved it to us. Coolest teacher ever. MLIA
Today, I reailized that “indescribable” is a descriptive word. MLIA
Today, while taking a nap, I heard my cell phone vibrate. I searched all throughout my bed, under the covers and all around. I was ready to accept defeat when I noticed a light coming from under my cats tummy.I am now aware my cat does not want me to communicate during our naps.
Today, I was driving and noticed that my trucks odometer read 177,777.7 miles. I was also listening to the song Seven Nation Army at the time is happened, which was 7:00. Coincidence? I think not. MLIA
Today, my sister asked how old I was. We’re identical twins. MLIA
Today we ran a mile in P.E., and recently I’ve become a skilled runner but i wasnt sure if I could keep a fast pace through out the whole mile. When I started to run I decided to imagine dementors flying after me. Lets just say I made my fastest mile time today at five and a half mins.MLIA
Today, I heard the sound of lips smacking from behind me. I turn and look down to see my cat staring up at me. I inched away and made a mental note to buy more cat food before my cat got other ideas.
Today I found out that Nintendo REFUSED to allow Justin Bieber to have the Mario theme song in his movie. Nintendo rocks! MLIA
Today, I wore my MLIA shirt and I got 2 hugs, 6 high fives, 3 new friends, and a date on Friday. No, not really. I just got a bunch of weird looks and people asking me what it meant. MLIA
Today I went to the Field House at my college. I was going to go running so i walked up to the track and i had to change so i went into the bathroom. As i was changing a toilet flushed and i thought nothing of it until a girl walked out (I’m a guy). I froze in my boxers and turned casually and asked if this was the men’s room. She said no this is womens. i check to see if there were...
Today I found out benkinersophobia is the fear of not recieving a letter to Hogwarts on one’s 11th birthday. MLIA.
Today, I was teaching my kindergarten class the difference between the capital and lower case letters. One boy asked why a capital double u (W) wasnt called a double v. This kid has outsmarted us all. MLIA
Today, after my friend and I saw a movie, we thought we would take crazy pictures. As my friend was doing some weird pose on the tree, a random family came up and posed right along with her! New favorite picture? YES!
Today, I was at my cousins house. We were celebrating my brothers 4th birthday. He got two huge nice, nerf swards. Guess who stole them and ran outside and screamed in my best british accent, “Who will challenge the QUEEN OF NARNIA?!” I got some weird stares, but also, 3+ hours of epic sword battles. EPIC WIN. MLIA
Once, I got a birthday card with a hole in the front to the inside that said “Scratch and sniff”. I proceeded to scratch and sniff about a dozen times while smelling nothing. Fed up, I opened my card to see it said “Smells like a birthday card, doesn’t it?” It took five more scratches and sniffs to get my friend to stop laughing and explain the joke to me. MLIA
Today I had a neighborhood cat on my lap. I was sitting on my back porch with my brother. He said, “You know cats only like evil people.” The cat immediately jumped off of my lap and onto his. I love cats. MLIA.
My school rented 3 bouncy castles to relieve student stress during finals week. I called my boyfriend to tell him how epic the school was. He’s a recently graduated 23 year old and I’m a 21 year old college senior. He showed up within 5 minutes. He lives 20 minutes away. I love college. MLIA
Today, my English class had a substitute. During class, a note was passed around saying ” AT 1:30, START BARKING!!”. When 1:30 came around, everyone in the class was barking. The look on the sub’s face was priceless. MLIA.
Today, I was coloring in a Disney princess coloring book when I realized that Prince Eric looked an awful lot like Harry Potter, so I drew on a scar, glasses, and a wand in his hand. Then I realized that Ariel is redheaded like Ginny. I drew the basilisk and an angry Tom Riddle in the background, then ran around showing my masterpiece to everyone I ran into. I’ll be twenty-three next month....
Today, I had to get up at 4 AM to be ready to leave for class at 6. I was running off of 3 hours of sleep, and went to take a shower. Halfway through my shower I realized I forgot to take my clothes off. MLIA.
A week ago I read a post on MLIA saying that someone was playing Tick Tack Toe on the desk in school. I tried this in all my classes. It worked in my math class. I came in one day and realized no matter where I went he/she was going to win. I then realized the wrote it in pencil and went to erase it. I erased it and was about to write in my X when the teacher said ” What are you...
Today, in school, i heard a kid yell “Yo mama’s so fat!”, the quietest kid turned around and said, “I believe it’s ‘your mother is quite obese.’ ” I laughed for the rest of the class. MLIA
Today was my friend’s birthday. Instead of waiting for school to start, three of us showed up at her door at 7:30 AM bearing cupcakes and gifts. MLIA.
Today in class we were all working in groups on a particularly hard assignment. When we all decided to just ask the professor about it, he yelled, “Come ON people, this isn’t rocket science!!!” I take a college class on technology and rocket science. MLIA
Today, i was babysitting my brother and this dog. I got bored and started playing with the dog while closing my eyes. I stuck out my finger to think that the dog will lick my finger, instead i open my eyes, and see my brother licking my finger, and the dog sleeping. Im glad that my brother takes the dogs job when its asleep. MLIA
My neighbor is a major twilight fan. Since today was incredibly sunny, I put on a tank top and shorts along with tons of body glitter. When my neighbor walked by my house I called her name and yelled “This is what i look like in the sunlight!” and stepped out the door. The look on her face was priceless. MLIA.
Today I had a substitute in my English class. I was trying to do my work but it was very loud so I started to listen to people’s conversations. I then heard from the teacher, “I am everywhere at once. I am a ninja. My awesomeness doesn’t compare to your nothingness.” Favorite person? I think so. MLIA.
Today, I found out that a Domino’s Pizza box does in fact state abduction by aliens as a reason for taking more than 30 minutes to deliver a pizza. I find this to be a perfectly acceptable reason. MLIA
Today I was hungry and my stomach started growling. I didn’t get food because the noise sounds like two dinosaurs fighting inside my stomach. MLIA
Today my little brother told me that when he grows up, he wants to be a dinosaur. I have high hopes for you little bro. MLIA.
Today, I went to the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru. While handing us our donuts, the worker lady fell out of the window and on to the drive thru pavement. MLIA
Two days ago I was in Disney World watching the parade in the Magical Kindgom, Mickey Mouse was waving to everyone but no one was waving back or cheering, I decided to start waving/cheering and Mickey pointed at me and started waving furiously, made my day and I’m 22. MLIA.
Today, my dad and I went to a Chinese restaurant. When I opened my fortune cookie my dad said you really don’t need to open the plastic to read it, just smash it and read it through the crumbs. I told him he doesn’t even deserve a fortune if he’s not going to do it right. He then proceed to take a fortune cookie and smash it through the plastic. It was empty. MLIA
Today i was at Barnes and Noble (a book store). Two girls were covering up all the Twilight books with Harry Potter books. I began to laugh and was about to give them a high five when they finished and ran away. I knew instantly they were MLIAers. So, just to let you two know, i approve. M(and their)LI(are)A.
Due to so many MLIA stories about weird laws, I decided to look some up. Here in Oregon, it is illegal to bathe without wearing “suitable clothing.” I would like to know what clothing is suitable for bathing in, why I haven’t been fined, and how exactly a police officer might find out whether one was wearing suitable bath clothing or not. MLIA
Today at work I overheard a child inventing the words to a book she couldn’t read. I could barely contain my laughter when she said, “And if you’re not wearing any clothes, you’re not invited to the party.” Wise words, little one. MLIA.
A few months ago in a very boring maths class I came across a little green thing. It turned out to be an insect. After five minutes or so i had the entire back row staring at the insect i was playing with and asking its name. A guy in front of me turned round and squashed it. I immediatly shouted ” That was my only friend! I hope your happy, you killed Alan!” This caught the attention...
Today, I was watching MythBusters. They had a special on whether ninjas are really as ninja as they are portrayed nowadays. As I was trying to explain to my family that, of course ninjas are truly ninjas and there is no proof of this because of their ninja stealth, my very unathletic sister walks in, does a flat footed backflip onto the couch and promptly leaves the room without saying a word. My...